Is it too late to thank June?

June is definitely a month of banyak rezeki.


3 cool birthday ever celebrated, too much of food, too much of happiness.


I'm hoping next June will definitely bring more joyful events to me. :)


Song : Jesse Mccartney - Because You Live

alone but never lonely

Yes, I admit, I can be a bit the soapy person sometimes, but it's just something on my mind.


It's fun when you can hangout, have fun, laughing all day long - with your friends.


Yes, it is fun. I'm a human, of course I can feel the jealousy hole inside of me, but tu bukan rezeki saya. Yes, some other human, did said that i'm a loner. So, is there any problem about loner? Dorang bukan manusia ke? But entahlah, takkan sampai loner pun kau nak gtau semua orang. Apa kejadah ntah. (Post ini bukan nak cari pasal pun, nak cerita pasal benda lain, if terasa, sorry sangat2, never intended to hurt anyone pun).


But i'm not that type of person - the happy go lucky 24/7  but i can be that kind of person that might bores some people.


If only I have money, so that I can join everyone the activities that they do without thinking if the money is sufficient for the next meal, or photostat or paying anything.


If only I have a car, so that I can have friends and hangout and be appreciate rather than menyusahkan orang yang berkereta.


If only I can fulfill all the promise I did with anyone if only I can.


If only I don't have to work to buy my own stuff and things without depending on anyone.


If only I was smart enough to gain trust and respect or feel appreciated.


But like I said, it is all, IF ONLY.


I can only turn to Allah S.W.T. and take this test with open hands, sometimes, there are good things waiting for me. Is not that I don't want to have friends, but I cannot afford it. Hope some people will understand what i'm going through. If only I could.


Song : Dave Koz - Together Again


Sometimes 

the quantity doesn't count, the quality are matters.

Setiap kali nak menulis sesuatu, I would pause and stare blank at my laptop trying really hard what to write. It's not like I have the best blog in the world or I have this a lot of readers that i need to entertain. probably stalkers kot. I don't mind if I have stalker, good or bad, they're still human.

It's human nature to be so judgmental. Sometimes we judge someone we barely knew or probably we've known for quite some time. Why is that so? In Muslim community, we believe that every single negatively is an influence from "Syaitan". 

Every human are born positive and clean.

Their surroundings, family, tradition and any other factors that can influence a human. But, we absolutely cannot run away from being judgmental to other human being, included me. I repeat, it's not good to be so judgmental. Because we don't know their story and why they turned out to be that way. Sometimes, they don't ask to be the way they are, but because of the factors Ive mentioned before, probably they trying to protect themselves, who knows?

But there are the bad side if we look them with a positive side. They tend to take it for granted and twist it into a negative thing. Probably trying to bring you down. But it's okay, don't blame anyone for any of their action. It's a part of life, some may dissapoint you and some may always be there for you.

But, the one thing that matter; don't ever ever lose yourself and be someone you're not

It's okay to be the black sheep or having this people let you down, at least people notice you. Instead of being this invisible person waiting to be notice. We don't really know they reason why it turned out that way, you can always turn to God and pray that you're strong enough to live for the future. 

Some good things will come your way, if you just wait.

Let them talk, just held your head high and smile. Be confident. and most importantly, Smile.

and yes, be proud with yourself. 

and to never ever never let yourself down. NEVER.

If you can be your own bestfriend, and learn to love yourself, surely someone will notice it, someday. Insya-Allah. :)

Song : Avant - Had Enough

dreams

Sometimes, I'm kinda a hopeless romantic kind of person.


I love to day-dream in the middle of the day, wanting something that is impossible. Something out of our control.


For the past few decades of my life, i'm always searching for something, something to feel my heart. An emptiness that needed to be filled.


I'm searching for love and affection.


According to thefreedictionary.com; 

Affection is a tender feeling toward another, fondness.

I longed for affection, like forever. Love is something subjective, something that is easy to find, to be in, but affection takes years to build and to be found, because men is usually associated with their ego's and everything.


Yes, we know you have ego and need to be a man, but we need affection too.


This is also mainly I loved to watched black and white movies, and their love life seems promising and real and pure. I dreamed of that.


I dreamed  of;


1. Found "the one" or in other words, my soulmate (and I don't really use this term because it is hard and possible to find your soulmate)
2. Just sitting and stare and gazing at each other and thankful that we have met the right person but seldomly at the right time
3. Spending the time in the day, just be with each other without saying a word eventhough our heart spokes to each other (more or less, macam bluetooth)
4. When we're old, we're everywhere selling kuih-muih, or travelling around Malaysia and just spend what's left in our life.
5. He will read our love story as I will have an Alzheimer (Insya-Allah tak ada, walaupun itu penyakit keturunan :p)
6. We will buy a house beside the sea and get out from all the chaos of the city.
7.  Dancing in the middle of the streets, walking around the beach, singing in the rain, 
8. Go to PARIS and re-live the black and white movies :)
9. Write a book about our love story just to ready when we are old enough and waiting for our time.
10. Just be ourselves and do what makes us happy.


+ 11. Died at the same time, because we couldn't live without the other one.


I know it's a bit cheesy and hopeless, but it's what I want.


And I hope, that I will find the love and affection that I'm searching for.


Is it possible? *Gary Barlow - Forever Love*


H.

V's Day

Everything is heating up, everyone is looking forward to it.

But I don't celebrate it. WHY?

It's not my culture and the one yang wujudkan ni bukan Islam pun. 

I don't anybody to be my Valentine. And I don't believe that we have to celebrate the "love" only on February 14. What about other 364 days? Not valuable? Beats me.

I don't to call anybody my Valentine sebab Valentine is a bit cheesy. Don't you think so?

But one thing about me, IF I think someone deserve to be my Valentine, everyday would be a Valentine day for him. Not on February 14. (awwwwww, poyo tak poyo tak?) :)

Let me change Valentine to "Love" day. 

Everyday is  a love day for me, would you agree on that? :)

p/s : I love my mummy so dearly. Hihihih :D

rambling thoughts

Who needs a war when you have your own problems?
Who needs a friend when you cannot count on them?
Who needs a family when they do not understand you?
Who needs a someone who would lend them their shoulder to cry on?
Who needs food when everybody is fighting for it?
Who needs money when money is the only way for you to get what you want?
Who needs feelings when it could be bought with money?
Who needs sisters whom fighting who's going to pay all these and that but never have the guts to say it to their face?
Who needs brothers whom will protect their little sister when they are the ones who destroy them?
Who needs love when people think you are taking advantages?
Who needs a parent whom doesn't work or provide anything? 
Who needs school when it was the whole problem at the first place?

Who really know you better than yourself?


It's for you to decide and for me to know. All the above problem will never be solved unless someone decided to. If not, nothing will change, not even ever. Don't point your finger because of other people's flaws, afterall, we're human. We do not see the purpose of living. So do I.


I was born as an hyperactive kid with an ambition to reach the sky but somehow along the way, I lost.


Find your way and I will find my. Nobody understand how you feel, not even yourself. You cannot count on anyone else because nobody actually wants to help you unless you decide to help yourself first. One day, we're going to be alone. We're going to die alone. Face it.


H.

money

Today, I knew partly the truth. And yes, truth is never good, it's always dark and unhappy.

People say money can't buy happiness, money is a must. But sometimes, money destroy trust, love, respect and relationships. I don't believe money can bring us happiness, money is a nuisance, money especially paper money create problems and create foolish and selfish human. Money creates thief, liar, or never-ending problem.

Everyone around me, wishes that they would want to buy those expensive things, needs to buy this and that, and I don't know, just shopping. You work your ass out, and you spend for this one thing that will not last a lifetime, but somehow it gives people the pleasure of spending; of showing off; of pride, I guess. I don't know, you decide.

Maybe you would say, "Alah, orang tade duit and desperate or a loser je akan tulis post cmni". But I don't care, who the hell are you to call other people loser? Desperate? or whatever youngster calling each other. 

I know, I dont write some funny post, some entertaining life, because that was never the purpose of living on this earth. Sometimes, people would make fun of me, laughing at whatever I had to say, but seriously, have you ever looked yourself in the mirror? Are you really enjoying yourself and wasting yourself on the reason of having fun? Have you not see the world today and what have "they've" done to us? Are you really enjoying that they're killing our brothers and sisters? And we ourselves, helps to contribute to killing our brothers and sisters?

Don't be too self-absorb. It cames back to money. Suka kan terjebak dengan kenikmatan di dunia sehingga terlupa dengan kesengsaraan dalam alam kubur? *sorry my past few blogs have been about religion things* but bukaklah mata, wake up! Orang kata, I ni taksub and everything, but I want to help my other brothers and sisters to see the bigger picture. People are full of lies.

My life is full of lies, foolishness and dissapointment. 

Dont ever forget Allah SWT. Tak payah fikir tentang dosa yang kita telah lakukan, fikirkan bagaimana kita hendak menghindari yang akan datang. Sesungguhnya 99 nama Allah SWT, salah satunya adalah Maha Pengampun.

Nobody wants to be in hell, but no one is trying to reach for heaven. 

More or less, jangan kerana tak nak mengambil tahu tentang agama dan membuat anda rasa takut kerana sememangnya itu semua merupakan ujian Allah SWT terhadap kita. Dan sesungguhnya, Allah SWT tidak akan menguji umatNya jikalau umatNya tidak mampu menghadapinya. Dan di saat kita ingin berputus asa itulah, Allah SWT akan kurniakan nikmat yang sangat elok.

Lastly, seriously, janganlah makan harta anak yatim piatu. That is the most the unhalal things that Allah SWT will never forgive. I will never forgive.


Even Michael Jackson's knews what money is.






H.

Whatever happen to the world today?

This came across from an internet site and I simply loves it;

"You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving"

and it is true, sometimes in a relationship we have to give and take. :)

anyway, I was reading through a magazine ke blog and I came across this website, I don't think I should encourage my Islam or Muslim friend but this is to open up their minds and hearts that they are actually doing this to our society/community. do we have to sit and do nothing? You decide. This is between you and Allah SWT.

http://freedomdefense.typepad.com/leave-islam/

H.

Unwanted thoughts

Alhamdulilah, I got to be home for CNY. I misses home too much, especially my mom.

Anyway, trip from Kuching to Kl is a bit dull, because 1stly, I was alone and 2ndly, I was alone.

My plane was at 7.30pm and my seat was at 17B, which was in between this two people and they were sleeping throughout the trip, which was 1 hour and 45 minutes. I, on the other hand, watched One Tree Hill, last episode of the season 2.

But half way through, I was always imagine, what will happened if ever the plane was misconduct and crashed and I died? What will happened? Are people I care for, will care for me? It's one of the things, that voices in head are whispering. You're going to die, just be careful. Or sengaja nak menakutkan diri sendiri.

Also, my bf sent me to the airport today, and we have gotten into a little misunderstanding and I didn't even said, "I love you" to him, and yeah, that thought of not saying it, running through my veins and my ego landed on guilt, scared and sad. I really shouldn't let my ego take over, I should be in control. But seriously, I should always said, "Thanks for everything, you take care of yourself, and always love you". Thanks for the ego, body!

So, again, What if I wasn't here writing this blog, instead I was lying on the stretcher in the hospital fighting for my life? 

 courtesy of : http://www.paulhackett.ca/2007/08/22/plane-crashes/

H.